Kids & Screens: Yes, No, Maybe

05 Sep, 2023

When Nathan from The New Oil approached me about doing an interview for his blog last summer, he explained that thinking about spyware was what made him decide to reach out to a parent for advice.

In preparation for the interview, I decided to jot down some notes on how I feel about specific applications, platforms and rules from a parental perspective. Not all of this was covered, so I thought I would post those notes here in three categories: Yes, No and Maybe.

I hope it is useful to other parents or future parents to see an outline of another household's screen rules. I particularly welcome additional additions and challenges to this list, which I can update if they come do in.

So, without further ado, here are my opinions on the technological and digital tools parents will most likely be confronted with as their children grow up and go through various domestic, educational and social experiences.

Yes, No, Maybe

Note: still learning markdown; this post will test my table-creation skills for sure!

Yes	No	Maybe
screens in living room	screens in bedrooms	screens in the morning
rules for screen time	very limited screen time	automated time limits
refurbished hardware	expensive brand hardware	school Chromebooks
alternative operating systems	cracked OSes	mainstream OSes
parent as administrator	constant oversight	child as co-administrator
screen facing living area	secret online lives	screens facing wall
chat with friends	chat with strangers	anonymous online chat
parental controls (young kids)	location tracking	reports on screen use
FOSS software	recurring software subs	proprietary software
Signal family group	large toxic chat groups	WhatsApp friend/study groups
feature phones	smartphone in elementary	smartphone in middle school
physical media	illegal downloads	subscription media
co-managed social media account	non-negotiated social media account creation	school tasks requiring social media account
age-appropriate gaming	simplistic narratives about gaming	above age limit gaming
in-browser school platforms	monetised school platforms	school platform apps
agreements to call/keep phone on	hardware trackers/tags	independent travel
YouTube tutorials & nonsense	YouTube account young age	YouTube channel
Privacy-focused software	Google everything	Big Tech for specific activities
teach changing browser settings	default settings	own choice after understanding alternatives

Parenting is not easy

I'll be the first to admit we break these rules sometimes, but I find it does help to at least have a clear sense of direction. As discussed in previous posts, we are uncompromising about screens in the bedrooms, a simple rule which can help avoid a lot of problems as children grow into adults.

Social media and messengers are tricky. You don't want your child to be ostracised, but at the same time, they shouldn't lead completely secret lives online. Bullying or predation is always a concern too, at any age. The best I can offer here is that if you can teach your children to always check new account creation with you first, then you will be in a better position. I like co-administration of accounts, though from about 15 or 16 you do have to let go, so that your children can learn to manage their own online lives responsibly.

Lastly, I recommend avoiding over-bearing or secretive snooping, but don't shy away from sticking to rules and being open to discussion about anything. Check once in a while by asking: what are you watching? It might be fun to enjoy a speed run, an impossible-to-execute baking hack, or an impressive Minecraft world together.

Reader input

I'd love to hear from readers who are parenting right now. I'd also love to hear from young adults about the rules they endured or are enduring at home. What works, and what doesn't? Please feel free to connect via email or this post's discussion on Reddit.

As is usually the case, we were too strict with our oldest child, and their input as an adult has been invaluable in helping me readjust my own ideas about parenting screens and online behaviour. I wrote about that here.